What if?
by YoureTheOne
Summary: What if Sam and Dean were TOGETHER during "On the head of a pin" ? Sam visits Dean at the hospital and Dean wants him to come clean Wincst


**Okay, i know that it's been awhile since they aired this episode, but i've had this idea in my head for a while now and haven't really been able to write it until now. This is how I picture an ending scene at the hospital with Sam and Dean if they had been**_** together**_** during 416.**

Sam took a deep breath when he reached the door leading into Dean's room at the hospital, he was happy Dean was awake, but scared that now he would see right through him and know what he had done with Ruby.

"Hey" He said carefully when he opened the door and saw Dean's pale and damaged body laying in the hospital bed.

"Hey" Dean answered, his mind still caught up in the conversation he had been having with Castiel earlier when he had woken up.

"How are you?" Sam asked and walked over to his bed and looked down at him.

"Okay" Dean answered shortly, without looking at him.

Sam felt his stomach clench, lately guilt hadn't been a problem for him. He had done _things _and hid them from Dean, only because he felt like he had too. But when Dean was so vulnerable and broken he couldn't help but feel bad, even though it was thanks to him that he was still alive at the moment.

"What?" Dean asked when he saw the facial expression Sam showed.

Sam just shook his head and placed one of his knees on Dean's bed so he could bend over and kiss him, first on the side of his neck then up towards his jaw and cheek and then he started kissing his mouth and then he worked his way up to his forehead.

"Hey?" Dean asked, a little worried by Sam's actions and pushed him away enough to look into his eyes "What's going on sweetheart?"

Sam didn't answer, he should have thought of an explanation before jumping him, so he went for cheesy.

"Just… Missed kissing you" He said while standing up from Dean's bed and finding a chair he could sit in instead.

Dean cocked his eyebrow, not really believing Sam, but letting it slide for now.

"You know that 'no chick flicks' rule still counts right?" He asked with a low chuckle.

"I think we should make some exceptions for that rule" Sam said "Like when one of us almost dies?"

Dean snorted "Then why bother having the rule at all? One of us is always dying Sammy" He said and pushed playfully at Sam's shoulder.

"You're so retarted" Sam laughed.

"Since you've already insulted me, you wanna tell me what's really going on?"

_Shit, he knows. _Sam thought and then raised his shoulders and put his "dumb look" on. "What do you mean?"

"We both know something's up Sam, and can I guess it has something to do with your abilities?" Dean asked, his voice was low and hoarse from the tube he had had down his throat.

"Will you stop nagging about that?" Sam hissed, he knew it was wrong of him to yell at Dean because of it when that really was the issue, but he couldn't help it.

Dean didn't answer; he just looked strictly at Sam and turned his head to look out the window instead.

Sam sighed "Sorry" he said "But nothing's up, promise"

"Whatever" Dean muttered and shifted uncomfortably in the bed.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked "Should I get the doctor or a nurse?"

"Geez Sam, I'm fine" Dean laughed "_And unlike you I don't lie"_ he thought and tried to sit up in the bed, but failed miserably when his ribs started aching and he groaned out in pain.

"Here, let me help" Sam said and got up from his chair and reached out for Dean's arms.

"Get off of me sasquatch" Dean said jokingly and tried to push Sam off of him, but to no avail as Sam insisted on helping Dean sit up.

"Sam, I'm serious" Dean said firmly.

"Well, sorry" Sam said annoyed and sat back down in his chair.

"Not that, you _have to_ tell me what's going on with you"

"Dean" Sam whined.

"Sam" Dean looked pleadingly at him "Please"

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because-"Was all Sam answered as he looked down at his feet.

Dean sighed deeply "Let me guess, it has something to do with Ruby?"

Sam didn't answer.

"And something to do with your abilities?"

Still no answer.

"And if I can get a third guess I have to go with… Whatever happened after I passed during the fight with Alistair?"

When Sam didn't answer Dean sighed again and then took a deep breath, since yelling hadn't gotten him very far with Sam in the past, he was trying a different approach.

"Come on baby, tell me" He said soothingly and placed his hand over Sam's, who was currently on Sam's knee, shaking like crazy.

"You'll hate me"

"That bad huh?" Dean asked, his voice was still calm. "I won't hate you, I don't know how"

Sam looked at him and opened his eyes and Dean looked curious at him, but then he closed it again.

"You'll learn if I tell you"

"Sam, what the Hell?" He asked "Come on Sammy, you know I will still be here no matter what"

"You almost left when you found out me and Ruby had been fighting demons behind your back" Sam muttered.

"But I didn't"

"No, you punched me… Twice" Sam said firmly.

"I'm too weak to kick your ass, now tell me" Dean said and started stroking Sam's knuckles.

So Sam took a deep breath and started spilling his guts, about how he had drunk Ruby's blood to get stronger and had fought Alistair, got the information and then_ killed_ him. He closed his eyes shut when he felt the warmth of Dean's hand disappearing from his own.

"You've been drinking her blood? Even I think that's disgusting, and I've just started approving incest man" Dean said and felt himself getting nauseous.

"It makes me stronger-"

"I don't wanna hear it" Dean said firmly.

"You wanted to know"

"Did you kiss her? Fuck her?" Dean suddenly asked.

"You know we-"

"I'm not talking about before, I'm talking about now" Dean cut him off.

"I kissed her" Sam said without meeting Dean's eyes.

"Did you do that to make you feel stronger too?"

Sam quietly shook his head, not knowing what to say, but then he realized he had to fight to keep Dean. "Dean, she doesn't mean-"

"So what you're saying is…" Dean cut him off again "That you made out with Ruby, you drink her blood and then you come in here and kiss me all over my freaking face!?"

"Dean"

"I think I'm gonna be sick" Dean said and placed one hand over his stomach before turning back to Sam. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm just doing it so I can fight Lilith so this whole thing can be over!"

"Yeah right" Dean said sarcastically "First off; I thought _we_ were supposed to fight Lilith, and second of all: Do you honestly think you're going to be able to stop this _thing_ you're doing?"

"You don't think I'm strong enough do you?" Sam asked.

"That's where you're wrong Sammy, I am scared off _how _strong you have gotten, but this is your mind you're messing with"

"Well, at least it's not my heart"

"Don't give me that bullshit man" Dean said "Your heart just pumps out blood, your emotions lay in your head as well…"

Sam didn't answer.

"Oh yeah, I actually learned something through school, but if you wanna play the heart card, here you go, you're not messing with your own heart, you're messing with mine"

"Dean… "Sam tried, but Dean brushed him off.

"I know I've become a total softy and it's your fault, you and… Hell, I curse you both!" Dean was babbling, he always babbled when he was nervous or tried to get out of something.

"It's like we've switched bodies, or whatever, I've become the vulnerable little emo dude and you're all bad ass" He continued on.

"Shut up" Sam suddenly said.

"What?"

"Shut up, let me talk"

"I don't know if I wanna hear anymore Sammy" Dean said.

Sam sighed "Too bad, because I just have to say this"

"What?"

"What's going to happen now?" He asked "With us?"

Dean shook his head "I don't know Sammy"

Sam tried to think this whole thing through in his head, he never should have told Dean anything and they would have been perfectly fine. So he made up his mind and leaned forwards and pressed his lips against Dean's, for a moment Dean let himself melt into the kiss, melt into Sammy, but then he remembered what Sam had told him and it was almost like he could taste Ruby's blood on Sam's tongue.

He quickly drew back and wiped his mouth without thinking, Sam took a deep breath as his hands started shaking.

"So that's it?"

"I'm sorry Sammy"

-


End file.
